Coming Soon to a Wal-Mart Near You

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 Well, it is summer now, which means that we all get to witness more gems like this one. 

 

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Why do I have a feeling Jim Henson is behind her......working her arms? 

 

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 Ummm, I think you might need something more than the pine tree air-freshener.
It’s a start......not where I would have started.......but it’s a start.
 

 

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C'mon now,  on a scale of 1 to 10,  where do you think his level of  'giving a f***'  is?
I am seriously jealous of this dude.
 
 

 

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 The only thing this guy is missing is a bedazzled jean jacket to match his purdy pink sparkly bedazzled belt. 

 

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  Hey Hulk Hogan, guys with a full head of hair look stupid with a ponytail.
Wanna take a guess how good it looks without half your hair?
 

 

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Hookers love cupcakes.  I have nothing else to add to that.  Can’t argue with the facts. 

 

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 I don’t really know why Magic School Bus Lady is always at Wal-Mart, because I don’t think they have
any of the clothes she wears, nor do I know where you can find any of the things she wears.

 

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Why do I feel like at any minute now,  a big arm-bar is going to swing out with a STOP sign on it? 

 

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It would work, I guess...

 

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Sasselfratz, hibidibut, yzidili, guvukafet…. Oh, don’t mind me.
 I’m just trying to think of new words to describe this lady because I can’t seem to find any that already exist.
 
 

 

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  Listen honey,   the  “ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL”   tag is lying to you,  so I suggest we try things on before we buy.

 

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Your first move should be checking that backpack for a pair of underwear.
If there are none in there, well, you ARE at a store that sells underwear.  
Problem solved.
I would move on to pants.......but...... I don’t want to get too far ahead.........and lose you. 

 

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OOOWWW,   she’s  a   BRICK  (da-na-na-na)   HOUSE.   
  
She’s   MIGHTY- MIGHTY,    just   LETTIN’  it   ALL  hang-out. 

 

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 Just 'cuz you have the  'all-natural'  sleeves thing  goin' on,
doesn’t mean the rest of us are cool with you wearing your tank top.
 

 

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 I wonder if she can  'tie ‘em in a knot or tie ‘em in a bow'.
Because unfortunately, I already know they  'wobble to an fro’.
 

 

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I cannot confirm if this is indeed THE Little Miss Muffet.  Mainly because I have no idea what a tuffet looks like.

 

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How does one manage to make it look like they've tucked their ass into their pants like a shirt? 

 

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Oh, the humanity.  How did we get to this point as a species?

 

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 I know what a muffin-top is, but I’ve never seen a muffin-back.
I think there needs to be a better word for it, so, I'm open to suggestions.

 

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  OH COME ON!   Are you actually going to stand there and tell me you don't even feel a breeze? 

 

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Hey!  They don’t make   'tube-bottoms'    for a reason.

 

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   "I’m sorry sir, but those Christmas hams put you over the 12 item limit for this line. 

 

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ATTENTION WALMART SHOPPERS:   "Warm weather is now here as we start the summer,
and so is  
the unfortunate “Swamp Ass” epidemic.   Be aware-- and try to stay dry. 

 

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 The irony here is overwhelming.  I’m just going to sit back and let you soak it in. 

 

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OH DAMN,  Santa is  WORKIN’  it. 

 

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HEY! HEY! ---HOLD STILL!!!   There’s a  f***in’ jellyfish on your head!
HOLD STILL SO  I CAN GET IT OFF!!!

 

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Damn.  Now THOSE  are some titties. WAIT! Her head's on backward! 

 

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  Before he died, did Elvis get a poodle pregnant?  I don’t know, I’m not here to judge. Okay,  I am, but still....

 

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 How the hell did the White Witch of Narnia come through the wardrobe? 

 

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  Yes!  Blue is definitely your colour! 

 

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 I was not aware that barbers were still using the salad bowl as a styling instrument.

 

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  WOW!  That’s so cool!  Jan Sport came out with a new flesh coloured fanny-pack.
wait….hold on….can it be…is it…..OH MY
!

 

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I would like to officially nominate those pants for worst color option EVER!  Are you serious with that?
“Hey, let’s get skin-tight pants,
make them in sizes where the words  ’skin-tight’  should be off-limits,
and then produce them in a flesh color.”  What a great idea!
 

 

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 Ya really think ya gonna  be needing those condoms there, big fella?    


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