"You are in the middle of some kind of project around
the house. Mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in,
painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and
sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work
clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts with the hole in
crotch, old t-shirt with a stain from who knows what,
and an old pair of tennis shoes".
Right in the middle of this great home improvement
project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get
something to help complete the job. Depending on your
age you might do the following:
In your 20's: Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a
shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and
put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and
flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you
never know, you just might meet some hot chick while
standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with
the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30's: Stop what you are doing, put on clean
shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot
chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb
your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it.
Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell.
The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to
someone you went to school with.
In your 40's: Stop what you are doing. Put a
sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the
crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat.
Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost
empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to
Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more
sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running
the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird
thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's: Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on,
wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change
shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new
sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear
not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look
fat. The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees
you coming and you think you still have it. Then you
remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer
Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms.'
In your 60's: Stop what you are doing. No need for a
hat anymore. Hose the dog poop off your shoes. The
mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You
hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole
in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute but
you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's: Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to
Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready too.
Don't even notice the dog poop on your shoes. The young
thing at the register smiles at you because you remind
her of her grandfather.
In your 80's: Stop what you are doing. Start again.
Then stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to
Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying to
think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and
you think someone called out your name. You went to
school with the old lady who greeted you at the front
door.