If you don't laugh out
loud after you read this you are in a coma! This is
even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time
you have a bad day at work think of this guy.
Bob is a commercial
saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater
repairs on offshore drilling rigs.
Below is an E-mail he
sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio
station 103.5 FM in Indiana, who was sponsoring a
worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she
Just another note from
your bottom-dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day
at the office. I know you've been feeling down
lately at work, so I thought I would share my
dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad
after all. Before I can tell you what happened to
me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities
of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom
of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet
suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So
what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel
powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece
of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It
heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps
it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is
taped to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a
darn good plan, and I've used it several times with
no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom
and start working, is take the hose and stuff it
down the back o f my wet suit.
This floods my whole suit
with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my
butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it.
This only made things
worse. Within a few seconds my ass started to burn.
I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage
was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The
hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and
pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any
hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it,
however, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate.
When I scratched what I
thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the
jellyfish into the crack of my ass.
I informed the dive
supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His
instructions were unclear due to the fact that he,
along with five other divers, were all laughing
hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the dive.
I was instructed to make
three agonizing in-water decompression stops
totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach
the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing
but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water,
the medic, with tears of laughter running down his
face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub
it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The
cream put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for two
days because my ass was swollen shut.
So, next time you're
having a bad day at work, think about how much worse
it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your
ass. Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love
my job, I love my job.' Whenever you have a bad
day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?
May you NEVER have a
jellyfish bad day! Life isn't tied with a
bow, but it's still a gift. ~
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