Date: 2011-09-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.
I was the guy wearing the black
Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly
after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening
our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and
earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this
rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for
your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your
pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The
evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a
reason.. my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely
from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan. She had
just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for
my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that
very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating
weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!
I know it probably wasn't fun
walking back to wherever you'd come from with crap in your
pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I
made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That
prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come
help mug us again]
After I called your mother or
"Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the
entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my
gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas
station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home
took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless
guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your
wallet. [That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the
big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ..... after I
broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire
driver's side of the car.
Earlier, I managed to get in two
threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI,
while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense
and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number
In a way, perhaps I should
apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of
retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your
threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through
some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only
hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps
reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life..
Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi,