Red Skelton - America's Funniest Man

imageFor those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this e-mail. For those of you not old enough, you will see what you missed. Either way, his humor was always clean and he was a great entertainer. A re-run of great 'one liners' from the man who was known for his clean humor.
I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more.

 

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a

little beverage, good food and companionship.

She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

 

2. We also sleep in separate beds.

Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas ....

 

3. I take my wife everywhere,

but she keeps finding her way back.

 

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested the kitchen.

 

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

 

6. She has an electric blender, electric

toaster and electric bread maker.

She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place

to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

 

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well

because there was water in the carburetor.

I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

 

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.

Then the mud fell off.

 

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late

for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".

 

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

 

11. I married Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.

 

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.

I don't like to interrupt her.

 

13. The last fight was my fault though.

My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"

I said, "Dust!".

 

Can't you just hear him say all of these?

I love it. These were the good old days when humor

didn't have to start with a four-letter word.

It was just clean and simple fun.

And he always ended his programs with the words,

"And May God Bless", and with a big smile on his face.

 

 

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