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Back
in 1932, I was 32 years old and a fairly new husband. My wife, Nettie,
and I were living in a little apartment on Chicago's Southside. One hot
August afternoon I had to go to St. Louis, where I was to be the
featured soloist at a large revival meeting. I didn't want to go.
Nettie was in the last month of pregnancy with our first child.
But
a lot of people were expecting me in St. Louis. I kissed Nettie
good-bye, clattered downstairs to our Model A and, in a fresh Lake
Michigan breeze, chugged out of Chicago on Route 66. However, outside
the city, I discovered that in my anxiety at leaving, I had forgotten
my music case. I wheeled around and headed back. I found Nettie
sleeping peacefully. I hesitated by her bed; something was strongly
telling me to stay. But eager to get on my way, and not wanting to
disturb Nettie, I shrugged off the feeling and quietly slipped out of
the room with my music.
The next night, in the steaming St. Louis heat, the
crowd called on me to sing again and again. When I
finally sat down, a messenger boy ran up with a Western
Union telegram. I ripped open the envelope. Pasted on
the yellow sheet were the words:
YOUR WIFE JUST
DIED.
People
were happily singing and clapping around me, but I could hardly keep
from crying out. I rushed to a phone and called home. All I could hear
on the other end was "Nettie is dead. Nettie is dead."
When
I got back, learned that Nettie had given birth to a boy. I swung
between grief and joy. Yet that night, the baby died. I buried Nettie
and our little boy together, in the same casket. Then I fell apart. For
days I closeted myself. I felt that God had done me an injustice. I
didn't want to serve Him any more or write gospel songs. I just wanted
to go back to that jazz world I once knew so well.
But
then, as I hunched alone in that dark apartment those first sad days, I
thought back to the afternoon I went to St. Louis. Something kept
telling me to stay with Nettie. Was that something God? Oh, if I had
paid more attention to Him that day, I would have stayed and been with
Nettie when she died.
From
that moment on I vowed to listen more closely to Him. But still I was
lost in grief. Everyone was kind to me, especially a friend, Professor
Fry, who seemed to know what I needed. On the following Saturday
evening he took me up to Malone's Poro College, a neighborhood music
school. It was quiet; the late evening sun crept through the curtained
windows. I sat
down at the piano, and my hands began to browse over the keys.
Something happened to me then. I felt at peace. I felt as though I
could reach out and touch God. I found myself playing a melody, one
into my head - they just seemed to fall into place: |